Elegy For Innocents

[windspace]

I've been working on this piece but had stalled...tried this, tried that, didn't like any of it. Today I re-installed Piano One and noodled a little with it. I went out to the living room and the news was on...more coverage of the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. It hit me then that I should try playing piano over the drone I had built, as it already had a somewhat melancholy sound and try to do an elegy for lost innocents (and lost innocence).
Here it is. I'm not really happy with the mix, but I don't know what else to do with it now. Any suggestions?

https://soundcloud.com/ho66it/elegy-for-innocents

[Heaven And Hell]

I think something went wrong with your link there... :(

[windspace]

I know..trying to fix it right now! Thanks!

[windspace]

I think something went wrong with your link there... :(

I think I've got it now!

[S1gnsOfL1fe]

Oh damn hobbit!!!! This is hella sick. My only suggestion would be to add some bass...maybe a bass line of some sort and give it a rhythm. Then add a bass drum and a snare?!!? I know I'll be chastised for telling you to add percussion but that's what it could use past it's current state...give it some more life that it already has...

Take it to the next level!!!!!!

Cheers bro.

-S1gns

[robojam]

It's good. If it were me (so personal opinion here), I'd add an undercurrent of anger. Not sure how, but there's certainly anger felt in many different ways around this, and if it was represented in this it would add to it.

[windspace]

Oh damn hobbit!!!! This is hella sick. My only suggestion would be to add some bass...maybe a bass line of some sort and give it a rhythm. Then add a bass drum and a snare?!!? I know I'll be chastised for telling you to add percussion but that's what it could use past it's current state...give it some more life that it already has...

Take it to the next level!!!!!!

Cheers bro.

-S1gns

Thank you! You know, I really hadn't even considered any sorta riddim...I'll give it some thought...back to the drawing board!!

Edit: RE: Chastisement...I've already been wondering if I left the bounds of 'ambient' by including such an obvious melodic component!

[windspace]

It's good. If it were me (so personal opinion here), I'd add an undercurrent of anger. Not sure how, but there's certainly anger felt in many different ways around this, and if it was represented in this it would add to it.

I was just aiming for a sorrowful feel, but I agree, there is much anger felt...all the more frustrating when the obvious target for anger removed himself from the equation...

Maybe the bass line suggested by S1gns could be an angry one...growling and snarling behind the sorrow?

[Heaven And Hell]

It's certainly sorrowful. I'm not sure if you need to add any anger, though. It's okay to mourn before you get angry, or after.

[S1gnsOfL1fe]

Maybe the bass line suggested by S1gns could be an angry one...growling and snarling behind the sorrow?

That's what I'm talking about!!!!!!!!!! :biggrin: No seriously...don't worry too much about crossing any "boundaries" between genres. Let me music become what it may...that's how I make my own tracks which are still very much "ambient" even though they have basslines and percussive elements.

[Duckett]

The contrast between the drone and the piano conveys that sense of unreality or dissociation when the mind is trying to process a traumatic experience; well done.

[windspace]

The contrast between the drone and the piano conveys that sense of unreality or dissociation when the mind is trying to process a traumatic experience; well done.

You've made a very interesting and deep observation.
While I was certainly aware of the contrast, and even adjusted the mix for what felt like a good balance between the drone and the piano, I never actually thought of it in these terms. Perhaps I was experiencing the dissociation and couldn't see the forest for the trees! I just know that something felt right about the combination.
Thank you.

[windspace]

It's certainly sorrowful. I'm not sure if you need to add any anger, though. It's okay to mourn before you get angry, or after.

I think I won't add the angry bass part...Instead I want to redo the piano part more sparsely. Listening to it now, I think that part is way too busy, and it would convey the emotion better if it was simpler.

(But thank you so much for the feedback everyone!)

[seismic1]

I only just got around to listening to this. The drone has a cold, dark vibe and the piano imparts a sorrowful atmosphere to the piece. I like your idea of making the piano more sparse. More sparse might also mean that the melody line gets a slightly slower rhythm which could enhance the feeling of sadness generated here.

It's hard to believe that this happened 19 days ago.

[fate]

Interesting, the drone has a kind of uncomfortable urgency to it, and is kind of weird and unfamiliar, in contrast to the bitter sweet piano, a much more familiar sound...the everyday suddenly fractured