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Newest Track Requiring Feedback Please

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  • Newest Track Requiring Feedback Please

    Hi,

    Normally I don't ask for feedback but this track is driving me around in circles. It started out as a non vocal and non beat track. I wouldn't necessarily call it ambient but it certainly has a multitude of ambient elements. I am struggling to remove the beats and then a non planned vocal melody embedded itself and won't be removed either. Now I'm not sure what I have :frown:.

    I like the layers and I love the discord and the build up. I know I need to fix the words, the levels and the timing.

    I would really appreciate some opinions on what is working and what isn't. Please sock it to me as I can take it :cantlook:
    I would appreciate it!!

    Thanks,

    https://soundcloud.com/skyhighdiamonds/dark-winter-sun
    It's all an illusion.

    https://soundcloud.com/skyhighdiamonds

  • #2
    The drums take way too long to come in, and are super soft when they do. Make them hit me, man. Then they go away!? The whole track needs a good loud breakbeat-- in the front of the mix. I like the vocals and all, but they shouldn't be the focus. You're building lots sonically, but there's never a payoff; as Jonathan Richmond once said when I saw him "If you're going to give me that beat, don't be tentative about it".

    And around 5:20, the whole thing turns into a Throbbing Gristle track. I love me some Gristle, but it's a real left turn-- I think you have the makings of a cool song; but it needs to figure out what it will be when it grows up.
    Last edited by Toaster; 12-27-2014, 06:40 PM.

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    • #3
      For myself I like how the song goes. I like the lyrics as they are. I like that it goes a little "Throbbing Gristle" (a great band) - I've always been attracted to music that does the unexpected from time to time - keeps the listener on their toes! With the drums (and the song as a whole) I would personally get moments of crystal clarity in there before dropping back down into the "fog" of a winter's day. I think it evokes a winter well but, as I said, like the winter fog clearing in places I would make the song do that. For my own tastes it doesn't need more drums - but it always comes down to individual taste.
      https://soundcloud.com/ian-haygreen
      https://ianhaygreen.bandcamp.com/

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      • #4
        Thank you both (very much) you have both offered me really interesting perspectives. I think I know where I am going with this now :biggrin: So I am going to take it down off my sound cloud and get working. Many thanks indeed :thumbsup:
        It's all an illusion.

        https://soundcloud.com/skyhighdiamonds

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        • #5
          I had a listen earlier. The track was very interesting and certainly underwent numerous changes along the way. In a few places, I thought the mix may have been working against the atmosphere, containing a lot of interactions between many sounds within the same/similar frequency bands. It can be a tricky juggling act between retaining a truly amorphous atmosphere whilst achieving sonic clarity under these conditions. EQ is the most important tool in your arsenal for these situations although panning can help to achieve some degree of spatial separation. I was listening on my monitors, btw.

          While I'm here, I think I should mention a Lady called inaiya on SoundCloud who is making tracks that I think you would find interesting. Lots of ambient combined with vocals.
          Whatsisname's Little Fluffy Clouds | Campsite | Hearthis | Orfium | SeismicTC | Twitter | Ello

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          • #6
            Thank you Seismic1 and for the recommendation as well as the feedback. I will be sure to check her sound cloud out. I don't have a decent set of monitors here currently so I have no idea what you heard, I do it all through monitor headphones at mo which is probably not helpful. I think I know where I'm at with it now, probably moving away from the ambient slightly. I also enjoy the discord and those elements working against each other and sometimes it works successfully in an uncanny way and at other times it all just scrapes and jars. The vocals were a first hit, just to get the melody out and blended in, rather than being a sensible lyric, they sounded a bit of a mess to me which is why I asked for help, I like the actual melody though. Cheers!
            It's all an illusion.

            https://soundcloud.com/skyhighdiamonds

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